Your Disgusting Head by Haggis-On-Whey

Author:Haggis-On-Whey
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2004-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

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WHICH TEETH WILL BITE?

WHOSE MOUTH DO YOU HAVE?

HOW TO CHOOSE THE BEST TONGUE FOR YOU

So you’ve decided to finally go and buy yourself a tongue. I commend this decision. Many people go through life without a tongue, thinking that tongues are unnecessary, a thing of the past. Well, hogwash. I have a good deal of proof that tongues make life more enjoyable for all animals except for gerbils, who of course don’t need tongues because why would a gerbil need a tongue? Please, try to keep up.

But for the rest of us mammals, tongues are essential for our sense of well-being and for wiping food from the sides of our mouths when we find ourselves without napkins or hands, such as when we are knitting.

How does one choose the right tongue? Follow the guidelines below.

1. THINK HARD ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT IN A TONGUE. What sort of tongue are you really looking for? A happy-go-lucky tongue who can make you laugh and who likes to experience new things? Or a mellower sort of tongue, one that will listen to your problems and offer a shoulder to cry on when you’re looking to cry on the shoulder of a tongue?

2. LOOK FOR A GOOD VALUE. Tongues can cost anywhere from $8 to $11.50. What accounts for this huge disparity in cost? Talk to your local retailer about what separates one tongue from the next. Are the tongues made in Europe truly better? Should you splurge on one that’s reinforced with steel cables? Don’t throw away your money on fancy brands and high-pressure sales techniques. Make sure you’re getting what you need at a reasonable price.

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